Struggles

Hello!
I've noticed a lot of posts going around the blogging world lately about the difficulties and joys of motherhood and I thought I should grace the world with my experiences.
To start off, I love love love being a mom. It is by far the best thing I have ever done. I would not trade it for anything. I love when my little boy stares at me while he eats, I love his smiles that he is generally very willing to share, I love his laughter, I love how alert he is (except at bedtime), I love how in love he is with his daddy and how they play together, I love that Zane immediately knows of my presence when I come into a room and he can recognize my voice instantly. I love my wonderful, beautiful, sweet little boy.
That being said.. Motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
I'm not going to go into every detail about why motherhood is hard, but right now I'm going to go into the one that I am having the hardest time with. *note, this would be a good time to stop reading for those that don't want to hear about realistic mommy issues.
I've felt really emotionally drained lately because there is a huge fit going on about breastfeeding right now. Here is my truth: I don't breastfeed. Zane had a really hard time latching in the beginning and after two agonizing weeks of working hours on end with him I finally gave up and decided to pump and bottle feed him instead. I never realized how angry this made other women. I have been flat out told I am a bad mom because I will never had that "emotional connection" with my baby that you get through breastfeeding, and I had every ability to have it with him. That there is no logical reason why I shouldn't be able to breastfeed him. I don't work, I don't go to school right now, my life is him, why can't I do the simple act of breastfeeding him? And when you've been told something like that, it's pretty much impossible to let it go and not think about it. So many women act so confused that a stay at home mom would pump instead of feed her baby straight from the tap, so to speak. It is so hard talking to other moms because I am embarrassed about it. I know I shouldn't be, but people are really judgmental about it.
Well here is the other kicker: Zane is a half breast milk, half formula baby. I have never produced enough milk for him, right from the start. I drink water constantly, I make sure I eat enough calories, get enough sleep, I stay away from food/drinks that supposedly inhibits production, I pump regularly, met with lactation consultants, nothing works. At best, in a 6-8 hour period, I get maybe half of what he needs for a full meal, and he eats about every four hours. I feel horribly guilty all the time, *TMI moment* girls talk about how they spray their babies in the face they have so much milk and that they are constantly having to pump after just to keep from engorging. I've never had any experience like that. I've had several mastitis problems, but I've never had to deal with the woes of Zane having "too much". I've never built up a supply, I can't be away from Zane for more than a couple hours at a time because he is picky and won't take just straight formula, it has to be mixed with breast milk that is in very short supply. (Oh, and he has a hard time handling formula so he spits up at random pretty much all the time). It is super stressful and very discouraging. And once again, a lot of moms out there feel like they need to tell you how you are doing it wrong. I would love love love love to be able to feed my son breast milk straight from the tap 24/7. I constantly go over and over in my mind about how if I hadn't given up trying to get him to latch then maybe I would have a better supply and we would all be happier, etc. I don't mean to complain, life is what it is, I'm just grateful my baby is growing and healthy and happy. I have openly told women I don't care about their opinions when they start telling me about what I'm doing wrong or why I should have fought harder to breastfeed (this happens way more often than you'd think by the way).
I am a good mom, I work really hard to keep Zane happy and stimulated (some days are much harder than others). I do what I can with feeding him and I am still going to try really hard (hopefully successfully) with my next baby. I'm just really really ready for Zane to be able to eat other food and for women to stop telling me how to feed my baby.
On top of all that, none of my clothes fit, I have stretch marks that can be seen from space, I have an entirely new body that I do not always feel all that great about, and I feel like I haven't had a decent haircut in months. But those are stories for another day.
*I do not mind talking about feeding babies, breast feeding straight or bottle feeding, formula feeding, whatever. I enjoy hearing other struggles and success stories. I just get tired of personally feeling inadequate as a mother and on top of that other women telling me how inadequate I am, too.